wait what.

so according to facebook and twitter, school is in session. and it is crazy. and i am confused at my feelings. 

do i want to be back in school? do i actually miss it? do i want to pay hundreds of thousands of dollars for books? do i want to pretend to be super cool on my first day of classes slash church while i scope out the hotties? do i want to have billions of pages to read for each of my classes? do i want to have to choose between socializing and sleep and school and money and sleep and food and exercising and sleep? do i like the anxiety of studying and taking tests and walking out of the test center, avoiding the blazing glare of the test score screen? do i like these things? do i?!

nope. i don't.

but i do.

no i don't.

i kind of do.

i like it because it's the only way i have lived, the only way i know how to live. i have always been a student, getting through the next four months, the next year, the next four years. i have lived my life in segments, with clear cut deadlines and finish lines. i knew that every january, april, august i would get a fresh start. i would meet new people, make new friends, get a new calling, new classes, new teachers, new schedule, new new new. i had the people i could always count on. i knew smith's like the back of my hand. i had all my running routes memorized. even though it didn't feel like it sometimes, i had it all and i had it all figured out.

but. here i am. living on my own in dallas, texas. figuring things out as i go. on my own. one day, one week, one month at a time. i have learned a lot about myself, a lot about life. mostly i've learned that some things will take me for ev er to learn and some things i will probably never figure out ever. and that's ok. being here at this place, at this time in my life is great and i love that i get scared and that i figure things out and that i still get help from my mom and people love me even when i get crazy.

good luck to those going back to school. enjoy it, revel in it. it won't last forever.

four years ago. my freshman roommates. our very first bonding experience. night games in the rain. huzzah.

true blue and breakfast food.

last saturday, my blood was the bluest it has ever been.

go cougars.

i also ate a comical amount of breakfast food. these two incidents are only somewhat related.

saturday morning i met up with jen, sarah, and leslie for a birthday breakfast for jen [22! oh em gee!]. we ate at magleby's, only one of the best breakfast places around. everything they have is top notch. everything. i opted for the omelet myself but that did not keep me from stealing a few bites of leslie's pancakes. so good. honestly, anyone could win my heart if they suggested magleby's for breakfast. and do not get me started on their chocolate cake. easily my favorite cake ever. everrrr.

apparently we failed to get a picture of this occasion. oh well.

then sarah and i went to the byusa pancake breakfast at the creamery on ninth. for homecoming they always several stands making thousands of blue pancakes. tons of people came and ate before the parade started. which sarah and i watched and it was awesome. plus we got to see codi, rachel, and adam! #yayforfriends

don't exactly know who this guys is... but he wanted to be in the picture. cool!

 adam!

 medieval club. they are so cool.

 llamas!!!

yum.

 me, adam, and sarah.

 after that fun time i went home, took a nap, then went to the awful waffle with matt. we had talked about trying it out and so we finally did! i got crepes with peanut butter, pumpkin sause, and syrup. go big or go home guys. btdub it was delicious. i would easily make a weekly trip if i had the funds and metabolism for it.

 after that deliciousness i went over to sarah's and we watched jane eyre. that movie is amazing. i'm sure i will be expressing my love for it [and michael fassbender] in a post soon enough.

sarah and danny invited me to dinner so we went to noodles & co [also delicious]. and they invited me to the homecoming football game! thanks guys!
my second byu football game as a student! look at me now.

we met up with the group during halftime. love.
[apparently katie and brady left before we took this. oops!]

yay for byu and breakfast! and friends. and jane eyre. just a few of my favorite things.

october third.

i thought this was pretty relevant.

today is the birthday of two extremely important people in my life.

jen kerr

one of my best friends since freshman year, we have lived together, laughed together, cried together, and done pretty much anything you can imagine together [really though]. jen and i became roommates by pure chance which, looking back, never seemed to be chance at all. she has blessed my life in countless ways. and by countless, i mean i literally cannot count them. but i shall name a few:

- teaching me how to be a good student

- giving me rides to places slash letting me borrow her car sophomore year

- going to cafe rio whenever i felt that particular need

- teaching me that it's ok to be positive about everything. and i mean everything.

- exposing me to the wonder of a true two minute shower [i still don't understand how she does it.]

- reading your scriptures everyday and praying morning & night is totally doable.

- running long distances is cool.

- lois & clark #nuffsaid

happy birthday jenkerr! i love you dearly my friend.

jade arrington

jade is my sister-in-law. and without even seeing her read this i know she is totally hating me right now for putting this picture on here. well jade, that's what happens when you don't let me take pictures of you. i have to turn to the professionals.

i've known jade since i was 12 and loved her the instant i met her. it's crazy how much closer we've become, especially over the last few years since she and my brother [plus the children] moved to st george. she is one of the funniest, strongest, most beautiful people i know and i feel so blessed to call her my sister. it's pretty much a one-sided relationship because i get to laugh and have so much fun with her and i offer nothing in return. one day when i'm rich i'll buy her lots of clothes and then feel worthy to be in her presence. here's just a taste of our fun times:

- one time she was making meringue for a pie while my parents were gone and she told me she was going to put it on gina's face. she called gina to the kitchen and then decided to wipe it all over my face. cue all out meringue war. the three of us got so crazy sticky and matt was super mad that we made a mess. then we washed off in the pool. good memory.

- jade introduced me to the straightening iron. when she first visited us, i woke her up at like 6 to straighten my hair before school. i'm sure she wanted to slap me for that multiple times and probably would if i tried it now. bahahaha.

- one time we were all in the car with her siblings and she asked if anyone wanted a surprise. duh i wanted a surprise. so i yelled 'i do!' and stuck out my hand which she proceeded to put a tampon in. nice. ps i was sitting next to her super cute brother [who is now married] and we were 15. thanks jade.

- one time we ran together in the mornings for like a week. then she got pregnant with laken. so that ended.

- jade has these glasses that are missing a lens but she still wears them when she drives or watches a movie. one time we were driving somewhere and talking about something semi important and then i looked over while she was talking, saw the glasses, kind of smiled but trying really hard to hide it, just kept nodding my head and listening. then she said 'you're looking at my glasses aren't you?' and i completely lost it. she totally called me out and we died laughing.

happy birthday jade! ohmygosh you're so old.

i'm on a boat.

well it was my birthday. and obviously the celebrating started three weeks ago with my nautical themed birthday party.

my friends are the best and made my vision come to life. leslie catered with the most amazing seafood, from crab dip to ranch tuna melts to fish tacos. sarahmaines did everything i asked her to with no complaints, and katie & jen headed up the dance party. plus my sister lauren graciously lent me her christmas lights! needless to say it was a success and it was good to see a lot of long lost friends.

leslie made me a blue cake! blue. like the ocean.

some light decor. yes there was a boat in the parking garage. no i did not put it there.

 kyle and leah. love them.

 kyle showing us his kick a moves.

 [old] roommate pic! awe. presh.

 sarah. mine bestie. words cannot describe my love for this lady. so for now, an acronym will have to do #ec

kickin it with danny. he was also a huge help. thanks danny!

sarah also made me a cake. isn't it pretty? and that's not all....

 it was funfetti! funfetti always wins in my book.

all in all it was a great twenty first birthday party and a great way to kick off the celebration! more to come...

running with angels.

last saturday my family and i participated in the running with angels 5k.

this run was especially important to us because this is the program that helped matt and jade so much with locke. i've never really run a race for a cause that meant something to me or with so many people who i love. it was a really great experience and the perfect day for a run. we ran around thanksgiving point and it was absolutely perfect.

me, my mom and two of my sisters.

 i love my family.

we got a pretty big group together for our team. some of jade's family came down from canada and idaho. even leslie and jen came ran with us! #ihavethebestfriends

afterward we went to ihop [where i ate my weight in, oh, everything #splitdecision] and i got to sit next to this cutie.

 then we saw free kittens in the parking lot. first thing on my to do list after i graduate: buy a kitten

there were also some puppies. laken and track were in love.

 if this sign isn't legit, i don't know what is [please take note of the knife].

i love being with my family.

break. part one.

my break was exactly four days.

finished finals thursday. started class tuesday.

oh, the life of a college student.

so, with my break being slightly less than miniscule, i decided to spend it doing what i wanted to do the entire semester: hang out with my family without the guilt of unfinished assignments overhead. and that's exactly what i did!

thursday: after my last final, i met up with my dad, lauren and the kids at inn n out for lunch. afterward we grabbed some yogurtland and then i took an extremely long nap [studying is exhausting]. then i went to dinner with dad, ben and the kids at a super yummy mexican restaurant. then lauren, dad and i watched 'morning glory' and 'life as we know it' [two two thumbs up].

friday: i slept in, messed around on my computer, showered and got ready [by this time it was 2. just livin it up] then went to lauren's to eat lunch and say my goodbyes. then i went to my grandma's, watched 'sabrina' and then niki, my mom and i went to a friend's graduation. luckily i ran into my bestie jenkerr! afterwards we went to malawi's for dinner and then headed down to st g.

yum.

spring break: byu style

sarah tweeted that general conference weekend is byu's spring break. it's so true though.

everything stops for general conference. it's kind of awesome. everyone knows that everyone will [hopefully] be watching conference. and doing fun things in between.

saturday morning i went to my ward breakfast, then i watched the first session with sarah, jen, katie, leslie, and some other friends. between the first and second session sarah and i hiked the y. it was such a beautiful day [75 glorious degrees]. we decided to listen to the afternoon session on top of the y[thank you mormon channel app]. um hi, most brilliant idea ever. the best part [besides elder nelson's talk] was when the choir started to sing 'high on a mountain top'. motab knows what's up.

after that, we went home and had a huge super awesome girl's night during priesthood session. it was so fun to be with my favorite girls doing what we do best: eating pizza, indulgin in golden spoon, telling funny stories and watching 'sabrina'. i guess you could say we know how to party hardy. true story.

sunday i listened to the morning session while i cleaned my room [i be productive] and then i went over to my grandma's house for the last session. man, i am always so sad when conference is over. it just flies by every time. i'm so excited for the general conference ensign to come out next month so i can read them all again!

make do or do without.

i was cleaning my room last week when i realized i had a lot of clothes that i either a) have worn maybe twice in the many years i have owned them or b) have worn so much it has led to their imminent death and for some reason i thought there was a chance for their resurrection. so before i could justify or think too much, i grabbed all the clothes that fell into these two categories and threw them onto my bed.

it was definitely a liberating and cleansing feeling getting them all out of my closet [not to mention i finally have an even hanger to clothing ratio]. on saturday i finally took them to deseret industries and checked it off my to do list. it's refreshing to look at my closet and know that i would actually wear every single thing. i highly recommend it.

here are some favorites that needed to go:

target. 2006. i love this shirt. the color, the cut, the design.

here it is in action at an allred concert with megan, katie, and jen. and my crazy face.

brass plum. rubbish. circa 2007. the buttons are my favorite.

as seen in my senior pictures. no judging please.

brass plum. 2007. all i know is i want to be one of those women. they are so cool.

last day of high school. this kid is getting married now. crazy.

please ignore the greasy sick nastiness that is my face. oh to be in high school... never again.

memory lane is just so darn fun.