Tuesday, August 28, 2012

wait what.

so according to facebook and twitter, school is in session. and it is crazy. and i am confused at my feelings. 

do i want to be back in school? do i actually miss it? do i want to pay hundreds of thousands of dollars for books? do i want to pretend to be super cool on my first day of classes slash church while i scope out the hotties? do i want to have billions of pages to read for each of my classes? do i want to have to choose between socializing and sleep and school and money and sleep and food and exercising and sleep? do i like the anxiety of studying and taking tests and walking out of the test center, avoiding the blazing glare of the test score screen? do i like these things? do i?!

nope. i don't.

but i do.

no i don't.



i kind of do.

i like it because it's the only way i have lived, the only way i know how to live. i have always been a student, getting through the next four months, the next year, the next four years. i have lived my life in segments, with clear cut deadlines and finish lines. i knew that every january, april, august i would get a fresh start. i would meet new people, make new friends, get a new calling, new classes, new teachers, new schedule, new new new. i had the people i could always count on. i knew smith's like the back of my hand. i had all my running routes memorized. even though it didn't feel like it sometimes, i had it all and i had it all figured out.

but. here i am. living on my own in dallas, texas. figuring things out as i go. on my own. one day, one week, one month at a time. i have learned a lot about myself, a lot about life. mostly i've learned that some things will take me for ev er to learn and some things i will probably never figure out ever. and that's ok. being here at this place, at this time in my life is great and i love that i get scared and that i figure things out and that i still get help from my mom and people love me even when i get crazy.

good luck to those going back to school. enjoy it, revel in it. it won't last forever.
four years ago. my freshman roommates. our very first bonding experience. night games in the rain. huzzah.

3 comments:

Cassie Nafziger said...

amen. I love school, the anxiety, nervousness...the deadlines and group projects. I love to be busy--I had serious withdrawals when I took a year-long break between my bachelor's and my masters program. I'm super happy to be back into the swing of school. It is a huge challenge--but I think it's best to do it while we're young. Then we start living our lives and won't kick ourselves for not continuing on.

Kellie Ann Prusse said...

I miss you so miss A. I feel the same way. It is so bittersweet. I went up to BYU on Monday so sell back some of my books and I just wanted to yell out my car window "Stay in school as long as possible!!!/You can do it!!!" haha That actually would have been pretty awesome if I did do that. haha. Love you!!!

Anna Matkin Hayes said...

THESE ARE MY FEELINGS. EXACTLY. praise you.